the press has been advised Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ team is narrowing down the candidates ahead of next Wednesday’s Republican presidential debate, and it’s slim, slim, slim. Not that the candidate is giving them much to work with. DeSantis to get bonus points Entire Washington Post feature article wrote about the strangeness of his outrageous campaign path a week before the debate. The memo’s introduction, “Ubiquitous Targets,” sounds like an assignment in a beginning computer programming course.
There are four basic essential functions:
1. Attack on Joe Biden and media 3-5 times.
2. Say positive vision 2-3 times.
3. Vivek Ramaswamy hammers in a response.
4. Defend Donald Trump in absentia in response to Chris Christie’s attack.
Ron probably should have a small 3×5 card and a pencil handy so he can check off each instance of “state positive vision” as it occurs. After all, these things cannot be left to chance.
The only interesting thing about the memo isn’t even that it’s not even the product of strategists, it’s a theory of politics that former Fox News chief Roger Ailes once formulated and which lays no blame for the subsequent decline of civilization. Not a small part. The strategist wants DeSantis to focus on “Roger Ailes’ orchestra pit theory”.
“Let’s face it, there are three things the media is interested in: photos, mistakes and attacks. It’s a sure way to get coverage. You try to avoid mistakes as much as possible. You give them as many photos as possible. try as you can. And if you need coverage, you attack, and you’ll get coverage. That’s my orchestra pit theory of politics. You have two people on stage and one person says , ‘I have a solution to the Middle East problem,’ and the other guy falls into the orchestra pit, who do you think will be on the evening news… The one thing you don’t want to do is you Get far ahead on some new vision for America because then the next thing the media runs to the Republican side and says, ‘Tell me why you think this is a stupid idea.'”
See, this is why there is little or no actual policy debate in modern political debates. Ailes emphasized that you want Avoid Substance because substance will get you into trouble. The misty flash is right there, baby. In fact, why do debates happen at all? Give everyone five beers and record the resulting fight. Who cares about pandemics and nuclear tests?
Although you might think that DeSantis’ super PAC is advising DeSantis to find a hole in the debate stage and fall through, we’re not so lucky. The next section lists all the “Potential Orchestra Pit Moments” submitted by the consultants.
1. Take a sledge-hammer to Vivek Ramaswamy: “Fake conscience” or “Fake conscience.”
really now? We believe calling a fellow candidate a “fake conscience” will be everyone’s talk on Thursday morning? In the 2016 campaign, Donald Trump’s orchestra pit moment was a shocking reference to his alleged penis size. “Fake Conscience” barely even counts as a tweetable dig.
And since the memo is now public, Ramaswamy’s campaign already answered As for that insult as if DeSantis had already used it: “These boring, canned attack lines from a robotic candidate don’t change him. If DeSantis has difficulty using a spoon, I can’t imagine That he’s especially nimble with the sledgehammer.”
Tee hee, oh, politics. How ridiculous that the future of the planet depends almost entirely on which one of these fools can best insult all the others. We may have a democracy, but we are ruled by the elite.
Number two is a suggestion that Ron “defended” Trump from Christie’s attack, telling Christie, “Trump isn’t here so let’s leave him alone. He’s too weak to defend himself here.” Oh what a ginger. He probably locked all the conservative comedians in the country in a minivan and wouldn’t even let them break the window until they got to what he thought was the perfect joke.
Number three urges Ron to “tell a personal anecdote about family, kids, Casey, showing emotion.” Yes, got it. If Robot wants the audience to believe he is a real boy, Robot has to cry. And number four is a very long proposed speech that basically boils down to “make sure you mention Iowa and New Hampshire.”
Take this, this is a great sum of advice. It’s all based on, “Look, Ron, for the love of God, don’t start debating your ideas because your ideas are goddamn and everyone else on that stage will tear them to pieces like Dobermans to Slim Jim.” You go in there and you throw three to five pies calling Vivek Ramaswamy by name like you were both in grade school.”
This is all terrible advice, but now DeSantis can’t use it because if Ron gets up on that debate stage to do any of these things, the talking heads in the post-debate comments will have their own orchestra pit story. Hoagie: Ron DeSantis robotically examines the pre-debate memo given to him by his super PAC.
Well, if they talk about him at all, of course. The chances of this happening are slim. What’s probably going to happen is they’re going to have their little debate, and then Trump is going to weigh in with a misspelled social media post that declares “Chris Christie is a poop.” All political pundits will declare that Trump has once again won because who can outdo him when it comes to calling people names? Hurry up, make him president again immediately!
Except all that, there might be a funny story behind all this. You might assume that these new debate notes were leaked because there was something wrong with the campaign, or as the result of some journalistic super-spy, but that’s not the case. No, they were simply posted on the Internet for the whole world to see.
Notably, the debate notes were posted publicly by a consulting firm affiliated with Never Back Down, the pro-DeSantis super PAC DeSantis is using as cut-outs for much of his own campaign. This arrangement allows DeSantis to soak up a lot of dark money that would be illegal if he went on the campaign trail. the downside is technically Campaigns and super PACs are not allowed to “coordinate” privately when promoting a candidate, so when the super PAC needs to advise DeSantis, they must do so publicly, hoping that The campaign will take their cues.
New York Times says He was “alerted to the existence of the documents by a person who was not associated with the DeSantis campaign or the super PAC.” Once he asked the super PAC for comment on the debate memo, it was hastily taken offline again. (After deleting the memo, the Times put it back on its own with help,
This likely means that the super PAC quietly put the documents out semi-public, not expecting anyone to find them, while perhaps secretly letting the campaign go looking for them. This will satisfy the trivial requirements for non-coherence and is a fairly common ploy. It was just bad luck that led the press to discover a completely over-the-top, no-coordinates-to-be-viewable cache.
And, whoopsidoodle, now future DeSantis debating strategies aren’t going to be of much use even if Ron wants to use them, because the entire political world knows what they are and are Look Moving down the list for DeSantis.
Still, though: Weird revelations aside, it’s not clear why anyone bothered. This is not the thing that will revive Ron’s faltering campaign.
What happened while we were all on vacation? Something about Donald Trump being impeached not once, but twice! Also in the news: Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ campaign fails. There is so much happening!